Don’t touch me on my town!

Background. The Gouda Book Club is a group of well travelled, well educated, well endowed and totally imaginary individuals…. so their opinions are always relevant, topical and insightful. Once a month they meet for a roadside braai next to the Pieter Cruythoff Memorial on the Bothmanskloof Pass. They seldom discuss books, but usually make an honest attempt at doing so. It is after all the reason for the meeting. Sometimes they invite me along, mostly to carry the cooler boxes, make the fire, prepare the food (mostly meat), dish the food (only meat), pour the wine, change the music, clean up afterwards and then to drive them home.

The books up for in depth discussion at the last meeting were, what I thought, the riveting “ Farming with Angora’s from 1950 to 1955”, J Heller, Haiva Publishers 2009, and a very disappointing “Forty Years of Playboy Magazine”, H Heffner, Vegas Publishing 2008. “Forty Years” certainly did have a promising hard cover, but the amount of well written, interesting and thought provoking articles was at the expense of good pictorial content. “Farming with Angora’s” on the other hand was only twenty pages long and full of pictures.

As the meeting became more informal and the pile of empty Santa Cecilia Chenin Blanc bottles grew the conversation turned to the comparisons drawn between Franschhoek, Greyton and Riebeek Kasteel in a recent Sunday Times article. I listened and it all made sense…

JZ:”It is all good and fine, but one must remember that Franschoek and Greyton are small country getaways, not a global player like Riebeek Kasteel for instance. Take the access to Franschoek, it is via a country meander and the main road to Greyton is a common garden variety open road. Take the route to Riebeek Kasteel on the other hand; the N7 is a proper autobahn, an artery of commerce, a road that ends in another country, a road that constantly reminds you that you are from this world and that the other world is frighteningly close by. “

Another empty bottle of Chenin hits the ground on the other side of the fence…..

JM:” My problem with Franschoek is the food. All they eat is duck…, duck konfyt, reduced duck, duck on a tower, duck with duck, even the KFC serves duck in the family bucket at R650 and I am not even talking about the Mcduck(Trademark) breakfast meal at R105, with a dinky of La Motte Sparkling Rosè. An Afrikaans girl has not baked a melktert in Franschoek or Greyton this century. In Riebeek it still sometimes happens… even if the lady in question might just sport a dandy moustache. Yes sir… down there in Kasteel we can still eat boerekos, even if it is so NEXT LEVEL boerekos, that some now only eat NEXT LEVEL boerewors.

II could sense that NEXT LEVEL boerewors made them think about Elton John, Quentin Crisp and Jani Allen, but they did not say a word. I also know they thought that Kasteel and West gays are younger and better looking than their counterparts in Greyton and Franschoek, but nobody said as much. The silence just hung for a while. We were grilling boerewors, stuffed with fresh coriander, a smithen of duck fat and lime zest.

JZ: “You must admit, there is stunning architecture over in Franschoek, but all the developments are destroying the old stuff like taking out Vibracrete walls. They were giving the panels away… but it is all gone now. La Trine, La Chocolate Mousse, La Riche, La Escargot, La Creusett, La Manon of the Spring, La Jean de Florette, and La Costa Plenty now all have dry stacked stone walls around the farms. Luckily, the farms are only 800 square meters big. Greyton still has a few walls standing, but Little Piggaly Wink, Pooh’s Cottage, Tiny Rabbit’s Nook, Mouse’s House, Tinky Tonk and Willy Wonka all took theirs down. Kasteel should protect them, 14a Blom Street, 14b Blom Street, 14c Blom Street, 14d Blom Street and 1 Hoof Street, all have fine examples. By the way, since you all thought that “Forty Years of Playboy Magazine” is such a kak book, I think I will take it home with me.”

“Whirrr” said the old bottle and “shuck” sighed a new one.